June, 26th 2020
A little update of my works, I'm almost done working the illustration for the books that will be launched next month ! I'm so excited yet anxious because i feel like i should get this sooner. Well, It's better done than never, isn't it ? However i still struggle to work from home unless it's evening-midnight and my works can't wait until sunset to be done. So, instead of going out , sometimes i need to deal with my ego to be as productive as possible even though i'm not working in perfect environment. Yes... Gak boleh Manja !!! :))) Okay, i'll back to my works... see you aligator !
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Wednesday, June 17th 2020. Hampir gagal, dapat kesempatan lagi. Harus buktikan yang terbaik. Disiplin, jangan banyak santai, fokus dengan apa yang harus dikerjakan.
A note for myself. Hello... hari ini lagi-lagi aku bablas sampe jam 2 pagi. Bahkan ini baru aja makan dadar telur. Tadi jam 12 tengah malam pas harusnya siap-siap tidur, malah maksain diri untuk terus lanjut ngerjain ini . Seperti yang temen-temen lihat, aku nulis beberapa list yang mau dan harus aku kerjain hari sabtu ini. Dari 6, ada 3 yang terpenuhi. Lumayan sih... 50% terpenuhi kan artinya? Oh selain itu juga aku baca buku dan sholat tepat waktu. Itu pun termasuk pencapaian aku hari ini. Yap ! ini salah satu caraku menyederhanakan kebahagiaan aku. Dari dulu aku adalah orang yang selalu ngerasa gagal kalau ngerasa gak produktif tapi overwhelmed kalau kebanyakan kerja. Ide banyak tapi karena perfectionist yang membuat semuanya harus siap dulu baru mau gerak biar hasilnya bagus sekalian daripada udah capek-capek taunya B aja. Prinsip ini gak jarang bikin banyak hal yang simpel jadi rumit dan membuat aku selalu bikin target yang banyak. Sebenernya maksudnya buat target banyak dan terbaik adalah untuk memaksimalkan potensi diri. Tapi gak jarang malah jadi down karena gak kekerjain semuanya. Aku juga mulai sadar, sepertinya aku cukup suka dengan Internet life. Sekarang aku ngerasa produktif dan bisa berbagi ke orang lain adalah dengan belajar sesuatu tapi dikemas digital biar bisa aku upload ke Internet dan berharap bisa sekalian jadi portofolio aku dan magically, somehow people will find my works. Dan mengerjakan sesuatu yang kemudian bisa dibagikan ke internet / Social Media rasanya menjadi reward tersendiri. ''Menyederhanakan hal yang bisa membuat bahagia jadi salah satu cara penghibur diri umtuk yakin kalau diri ini gak gagal.'' Makanya mulai sekarang setiap awal hari aku akan menulis hal apa saja yang ingin dan harus aku lakukan dengan sistem bullet journal. Malamnya akan kututup dengan nulis blog untuk refleksi hari (Biar kalau nulis gak melulu pas lagi galau hehe). Selai blog, aku juga akan upload portofolio aku maximal 1 konten setiap harinya atau minimal 1 minggu sekali. Setiap hari harus ada yang dipelajari kemudian dibagikan. Itu moto aku sekarang. Biar jadi orang yang rajin tapi di waktu yang bersamaan jadi bermanfaat juga untuk orang lain yang lihat karya aku. :)))
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Buat kalian yang baca postingan ini, coba tulis komentar... aku penasaran siapa emangnya yang baca blog aku. Itu juga salah satu alasannya kenapa aku mulai ngeblog lagi. Karena aku gak yakin ada orang yang baca apa gak tapi ingin eksis di per-dunia maya-an . Kalau pun ada yang baca, aku gak ngerasa attention & pressure nya karena aku gak lihat angka yang like, view tapi don't waro etc. Jadi kalau kalian baca postingan ini, berarti kalian cukup niat untuk ngecheck website aku hehe. Tapi apapun alasannya, makasih ya! Udah kesini dan berusaha untuk kenal aku lebih dekat. semoga apa yang ku tulis ada manfaatnya. So, karena jam 02:11-6 am aku dan kucing-kucingku suda ngantuk. Aku sudahi tulisan aku disini ya.... Kalau kalian ada blog juga, silakan komen kasih tau aku blognya biar aku baca juga dan kita jadi saling support. Okay.... See you again in another post! XOXO, Wita Koto June 13th 2020, 02:15 am. lagi-lagi, jam segini masih bangun. Padahal udah nguap-nguap dari jam 11 tadi dan berencana untuk tidur jam 12 malam. Tapi karena nanggung lagi rapihin website ini taunya tanpa sadar udah jam 2 pagi aja. Mama kalau tau pasti marah huhu Hari ini aku ngerasa cukup tenang seharian. gak terlalu parah rasa deg-degannya. hari ini aku coba memberdayakan diri semaksimal mungkin. aku coba menguatkan diri untuk sebisa mungkşn produktif, mengerjakan sesuatu. Pokoknya jangan sampe waktu terlewat hanya nonton atau scroll social media. Well, karena aku itu beberapa tahun terakhir ini sering ngerasa cemas berlebih. Aku coba menenangkan diri terutama di momen-momen sebelum tidur untuk ingat satu-satu nikmat yang Allah kasih ke aku. Hal-hal yang sebenernya gak simpel tapi aku udah take it for granted. Selama 1/4 abad hidupku ini , udah beberapa kali aku mengalami kehilangan yang berat sampe aku ngerasa takut akan kehilangan hal-hal yang membahagiakan sekarang kalau aku gak pandai bersyukur. Dan dengan selalu ingat kebaikan Allah dan rezeki yang Allah kasih , lagi rebahan sambil tutup mata kemudian sebutin nikmatnya satu-satu sambil puji-puji Allah, ada rasa tenang karena yakin Allah mendengarkan. Aku bersyukur atas tempat tidur yang nyaman, kamar yang nyaman, punya Charlie & Misty kucingku yang lucu, bisa tidur, bisa makan, bisa bernafas, masih bisa buat dan minum kopi sendiri di rumah, ada wifi, punya teman-teman yang baik, masih punya kesempatan untuk terus memperbaiki diri dan masih banyak lagi. Sekarang juni 2020, sudah habis setengah tahun ini, aku berharap aku segera bisa bangkit dan terus menguat. Karena hidup ini akan selalu ada masalah dan semua orang pun punya peran hidup beserta permasalahannya masing-masing dan karena itu aku berharap kita semua tetap bisa kuat. Tidak tenggelam dalam kesedihan dan bisa menjalani hidup dengan perasaan yang positif, bahagia dan membahagiakan orang lain. '' Kalau kita gagal di satu sisi kehidupan, semoga kita cepat sadar kalau masih ada sisi lain yang masih bisa kita perjuangkan. Yakin Allah maha baik, semua takdirnya pasti baik walau kadang itu adalah hal pahit yang menyakitkan bagi kita. Tapi Allah lebih tau apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Tugas kita hanya bersyukur dan terus jalan ke depan. Menjalani hidup menjadi sebaik-baiknya manusia yang Allah ridhai. Insya allah, semangat untuk kita semua. :) '' Xoxo, Wita Koto Tuesday, June 9th 2020 1:49 pm Hi everyone! It's me again Wita Koto. Back to my blog instead brainstorming for my upcoming project. I'll just make this short but i need to speak out my mind here. Seriously what's wrong with me ? why do my free spirit dismiss my ability to get things done as soon as possible ? I love drawing, designing etc but when it comes to homework or work, my mind constantly have many reasons to procrastinate all the things i should get done. why ? oh why ? This month i have illustrations to do for my books project, i need to extend my Ikamet, and find another way to earn more money because I HAVE TO. I'm not a scholarship awardee that have monthly pocket money to support my education so there's no other way but i need to work. But i'm scared only to think about it. I also cut many interaction with people because..... I don't know I just do it. I'm nervous, ashamed when they ask me what i've been up to and i can't tell any different from my last time condition. Are you tired ? listening to this all the time. I admit it i do - don't change - . Omg okay... i know i'd better back to my works a.s.a.p. See you in another story of my life. Thank you for stopping by and supporting me... XOXO, Wita Koto Here's music i.2m currently listening to while i'm writting this blog post Hello everyone! How are you ? It's 2:55 am , June 8th 2020 by the time i'm writing this post. So what have you been up to ? Turkey has already started its first New Normal Stage this June. Ups! I don't even tell you what has happened. Okay, long Story short, we know there was novel corona virus spreading in Wuhan, China during last winter (January-February). Never thought it would be this big. Our live in Turkey was quite normal until its first case in Turkey was confirmed by the beginning of March. And one day after confirmed case, the government decided to dismiss all school activity for at least 3 weeks. All Turkish student who live in dorm should back to their parents house meanwhile foreign students were gathered in one dorm and restricted to go outside. Thought it will only last 3 weeks, In fact it was extended to be more than 2 months. We were all home schooled, not allowed to go outside during weekend, 20 years old below students were told to stay at home otherwise they can be detained. Yes... that's what we've been through during this Novel Corona virus Pandemic. It was fine in the first 2 weeks that made me realize i actually like working from home; Wifi, comfortable bedroom, My cats, Coffee Latte, Laptop, Ipad are all i need. and In fact i could cut many expenses and time consuming relaxed me a little bit. However, I could never be relax during this #stayathome because I was overwhelmed with all news which often was bad news from both country; Indonesia & Turkey. Honestly, i feel safer to stay in Turkey rather than go back but i worried about my family in Indonesia. Besides that, I couldn't earn money as i used to by doing Pre Order Jastip Turkey-Indonesia, becoming Tour leader or part timing with Bu Lisa. So i had a little bit financial problems. However, I'm so lucky to have supporting friends and family who help me through this hard times. 2 months staying at home, my days were filled with Zoom Meeting; Seminar, Classes, Online Discussion etc. One thing i like the most from #stayathome is we don't need to go to school during Ramadhan. That's one of the blessing out of this tragic moment. And also, since going outside was limited, going to supermarket to shop for groceries was becoming an entertainment activity. Since cafe, restaurant, malls even mosque and parks were closed, that left us with no other option but market nearby as our escape from #stayathome routine. Time flies as it's now June already. We passed half of 2020 as fast as eyes blinking. to look back is one thing i'm scared. I'm scared that i can't be proud about what i've been doing this all time. I'm afraid to realize if i didn't do enough and live my life like a failure. Do you experience the same things like me ? And also, I really have bad PMS. Not only physically but mentally. Within a week before i had my period, i had extreme panic attack as i was crying sobbing out of anxiety. Suddenly something trigger me remembering bad memories i have. I called D and i'm glad I could calm myself that time. And now, Alhamdulillah everything seems to be improving. I see many people are wearing masks now. Even though we are allowed to go outside , but i don't see that much crowd. As a record i haven't been to Kızılay for this past 3 months. I may go there within this week for making content; Turkey New Normal for my youtube channel hehe. Let's see... hopefully there won't be overcrowded. Last but not least, i wish i keep pulling myself together to be better day by day. XOXO, Wita Koto Some documentation of our trip to Ankara Kalesi with Çekek.Id ; Photo/Videography Community. WATCH THE VLOG HERE Last night i cut all communication by blocking him from all my social media accounts and communication devices. Better i don't get any of his messages by knowing that i block him rather than leave my contact available but i get nothing. He clearly seems just fine without me. I've been thinking that i just such a burden for him so it's not a big deal for me to limit our interaction or even leave. It's hard to keep believing that we're going through this all together. No, we can't. And you show it to me that we can't. I'll stop, i'll just give up because it's better for both of us. Neither both of us are there to help each other, nor even to comfort each other anymore. I'm tired , i need to find my other way alone as it is now.
11.08 pm I'm grateful for a medium size cup of coffee i had this afternoon. my favorite thing that could keep me full all day. Today is such a record that i don't eat besides a donut i had this evening when i walk through kitchen to take my blanket hanging in my balcony. I'm okay, don't worry. It doesn't mean i don't have food on my fridges. I have eggs. Eggs to boil, fry, omlete, orak-arik anything you can make out of eggs. hehe How is quarantine day ? hmm fine.. just fine, everything is fine. i have all gadgets for my work, internet, books, cats, coffee only if i have unlimited resource of food and mom beside me everything's gonna be perfect. This corona virus and quarantine things leave me with dejavu. This really reminds me of failed coup 4 years ago. I can't believe there is nothing much different of my life after 4 years. Well, i can't deny i pretty much had enough money in 2018 and 2019 as i was working part time but ever since last autumn, everything is changed. I was fired and couldn't find any other proper job. I couldn't even finish my design projects that i promised to my friend. Can you see how much f*cked up my lıfe is ? I'm questioning you to still love me because i don't. Okay before you hear more f*cked up things about my life. i'll just stop here. I'll be pretending as someone else who see my life now, criticize what'd better for me to do so maybe from that i know what i should do. okay bye bye. Mind me for me trashing on my own blog. i warn you that you may not like to read this but at least you know something that i am not always that happy go lucky lıke in my instagram. love, Wita Koto. pictures were taken in my neighbourhood last february.
i'm currently reading this. it's been half of the book but i still give fuck to everything. i'm super emotional this day. i don't know is it because i'm overwhelmed with this enormous news about covid-19 or i'm basically just a complicated person. I get emotional to Indonesia health ministry due to how lame they handle this pandemic, I get irritated when i saw a video of woman wearing PPE to do her groceries, i even feel insinuated when someone keep saying they need an oven to bake when in fact i may the only student who have oven among other student houses hahaha i know i'm crazy!
Oh god ! I cannot chill and i don't know how to chill.... Often times i almost reach the peak of the mountain of frustration but then i try not to give fuck. I realize my frustration won't lead me anywhere and better focus on things i can do. Yes! to care less is self caring now. Just don't give fuck to everything. And sure it is a good idea to limit myself screening social media. Keeping my works online doesn't mean i have to screen all the IG Stories all day, right ? I wish this is the right decision i took this year. In between many responsibilities i have about my education and earning money, i decided to volunteer as Instagram Content Creator for PPI Ankara (Accosiation of Indonesian Student in Ankara) as my legacy. I'm not an expert in using Photoshop yet but ever since i got this responsibility, i make myself learn things in Photoshop and it's not bad for an amateur hehe. so i can't wait for the days to come because i know that from now on i'll earn many things from this volunteering.
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