Only certain people would understand how does it feel to loose person you expect to always have your back. This person has gone for along time. Many years before you realize his existence means a lot. He used to stay but he letted only his body appeared. You never knew his soul, never knew what he really wanted. He always kept silent, especially before he left. It made you barely knew him but from other's story. And now he's gone already... He's somewhere you've never been for a long time. You miss him yet you can't handle your abstruse feelings. And now he becomes a reason for you to burst into tears every month. he becomes somebody you silently blame for all bad things happened. Yeap you keep it in silent because you are deeply missing him in the same time. You, you are missing a person that supposed to always have your back. Questioning why did he leave you surviving all alone.
As starting a new semester, i moved to another apartment around campus and having new housemates as a routine every year. This year my housemates are mostly turkish (as always honestly lmao) But different than previous years, most of them speak english fluently.
We're 6 people living in typically turkish apartment close to campus (used to be 7 actually because one of them moved to campus dormitory recently) and i really get along with them. Only 2 of them are still in preparatory school learning english starting from A1 which means they only speak turkish now. (Lucky me i speak turkish so we don't have any miscommunication. Alhamdulillah) However others are turkish who have lived abroad in USA, Holland and Georgia and the rest are me and a girl from Columbia. I think this is what make us get along vey well as we share the same struggle life as we're living abroad in Turkey now.
Honestly, Having housemates never been this fun as we are quite close towards each others, considering to my previous house that i only could get along only with my roommate. But here, we do silly things together like watching some funny vines while having dinner, singing some the Beatles songs while playing the guitar and piano all along in the midnight and the best part is we keep doing the prayers together. We wake up each other for Fajr prayers, my roomie always ask me whether i did Isya prayers before i sleep (she's the one who came from Netherlands and always having her mom calling her for Fajr prayers so we wouldn't miss it). Mashallah alhamdulillah, my parents must be happy if they could see me living with good people here.
Oh yeah actually i wanna tell you something. There's a moment that hit my head and make me think about what i've been doing in my entire life (exaggerating lol) . It was Sunday night and my cooking day. I couldn't cook that day so i ordered Pizza. All my housemates were so happy to see me coming home with 2 big boxes of Pizza. I entered the kitchen and started preparing the drinks while the girls were serving the pizza. Each of us got more than 2 slices and we almost get them finished until one of my friend asked me whether i check the halal label on the box.
Wait, halal label on a pizza box? In Turkey? How come the non-halal foods are traded in the majority muslim population country? Well, as i said i couldn't find the label, some of them started to be confuse whether to eat or not. I knew they couldn't handle the eager to eat the pizza (because i've made them starving lol) but they didn't want to eat non-halal foods as well. And in my conclusion, i think they feel bad because i'm the one who buy the pizza, then they keep eating them by peeling up the meat part from pizza and start to eat the rest cheese, olive etc.
Some words for this.... "Wita, have you ever bee considering the food you eat? When your Thai friend offer you Tom-yam that she cooked using special recipe from her country or when you eat a bucket of chicken in Popeye or a burger in Burger King. Have you ever thought whether those foods are halal or not? Do you really care about the halal-ness of the food you eat?"
Okay my friends sounds so religious (yes they are) but don't ever think they are those girls who wear very big scarf, abaya etc. only some of them wearing scarf and others couldn't because of some political issues (i'm sorry i can't tell more due to the confidentiality about this). Yeah that's the point that i wanna talk actually. I was surprised by my friend's consideration about halal food while their 'appearance' is not showing them as 'religious enough' as people that always giving comments about other muslimah's scarf that is not long enough to cover the front part. (Wait wait please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying long scarf is not important but lemme continue my phrase...)
That halal-labeled-pizza-moment just gave me a smooth reminder that we should be more considered about the foods we eat. That is important for us as a muslim to be more careful about this issue. Moreover, Never judge others as "not religious enough" because of their appearance. Because everything needs process and let's focus on the process we made for ourselves. Let's say you might be already in the Level 20, so let's be focus on reaching another higher level without underestimating others who are still in Level 3.
Well, without any intention to offend or insult anybody, here I just want to write a reflection journal after months. For further information about Halal-food, you can search it through this youtube link below...
1. Welcoming Party for New Indonesian Students in Ankara.
Finally met some of my good friends after weeks. Actually I was planning not to come to the party but Ute, one of my closest friend insisted me to come as she said i need to have some social life with my indonesian friends. And i'm glad that i came because i met many of my old friends. We also had fun at that day but the funny thing is the new comers are only 6 people while us who welcoming them probably more than 25 people. Rather than a welcoming party, i prefer to call it as reunion party tho...
2. Went to Istanbul for 2 days.
The reason i went to Istanbul is actually because of my friend Dida. I haven't met her for more than a year since last summer holiday in 2014. We are a good friend but barely talk because we don't like texting each other that much but when we meet we won't stop talking about a lot of things. Yeah, That's what a good friend means to me.
I've got a lot of surprises from her but the most surprising thing is when she told me that she'll get married this summer without having me in her wedding because i was staying in Istanbul during summer. Man! How could she did that to me LOL. I'm the one who always want to marry in 21 but she is the one who get it first and here i'm still being faith with a single life. That's not fair.... (Lol kidding, i'm not into dating and i used to it anyway so i'm cooI.)
Well, I've lost one precious moment with her already So, i promised her to come and have a visit this October before she go back for good to Indonesia this winter as she will finish her college soon. So this me with my gurl. Guess which one is Dida??
it seems like we're 4 people but actually we're 5. Haha Not the guy behind me was counted but.... You know what i mean? Yeah another one is in Dida's tummy. We'll be an aunty soon. Alhamdulillah.
And another reason is i came for a conference held by PPI Istanbul. These are some picture i took... I didn't took a lot because i was sooo focus listening the lectures (lying...) LOL.
3. Ummi Dessy Farewell Party.
I came back to Ankara on Sunday morning in 1st of November. I arrived with Intan at 9 am after catching up the bus at 03:30 am from Istanbul. It was really short vacation in Istanbul as i feel like i did nothing there besides strolling down Eminonu in Saturday night while Intan was having a meeting with her student organization.
Well, so here are some pictures of Ummi Dessy and Family Farewell Party. It's so weird to see us smiling in the picture while actually we were so sad because she and her family going for good to Indonesia.
4. Celebrating My Birthday
I got a lot of birthday surprises from my friends, for the first time in my life i've got 5 cakes. i expected nothing from my friends actually so it really surprised me when i get them around me in my birthday.
** ketika mengganti display picture whatsapp**
04:07 am : Belum tidur ya?
04:08 am : Udah Bangun
Tidur cepet tadi
04:08 am : DP maksudnya apa itu?
04:09 am : itu puisinya Aan Mansyur
04:09 am : ohh... Asa rancu yg kk serap mah
04:13 am : Haha ya jelaslah
Mungkin tidak merasakan makanya rancu
04:13 am : Tapi agak tidak setuju dengan puisi ini
04: 14 : İya... orang boleh setuju boleh gakkan
seni gak ada benar salah, semua tergantung selera
04:15 am : iya
*** kemudian hening ****
It was just a normal holiday on weekdays. Make myself busy doing my to-do-list that i've managed night before. I don't remember which day was it but i was going to dikimevi to submite some of my friend's documents for her university registration. The afternoon weather in dikimevi was so nice, It was always nice as long as i could remember. The sense of the wind and fountain spread the smell of wet grasses right next to pavement that i was walking in just discounted all the stressfull trafic and noisy car horns in the other side. Yes, that evening i've decided to walk for almost 3km all the way from dikimevi to kızılay. Alone.
Walking for that long has made me sleep earlier that night. Made me come to the conclusion that i need to make myself exhausted so i can get rid of this insomnia that has been occured for almost 4 months. Yet, whenever i start to sleep, i always automatically wake up at the first 5 hour (I think others do this also) and then i'll continue either to sleep or not after checking up the time. But i decided to keep awake as i feel i got my period that night.
My watch on my phone showed me 02:00 am. I wasn't feeling like sleeping anymore so i ended up by scrolling down my İnstagram's timeline and reading book until that massage buzzed my phone. It was really short and somehow weird conversation that i've ever had in the early morning. Questioning the reason what is necessary for him to criticize someone's feeling on that poem. And then suddenly i feel like he offended me also from the way he disagree with the things that i've given my empathy for. I know it seems like too much if i get pissed off for this little things but somehow everything about feelings are so sensitive. We can't always be "me-orientation" like thinking that's okay to say this and that because we have the right to say our opinion but we need to see something deeper before judging, try to understand the reasons so something could happen. As i was trying to understand why does he disagree, maybe he's the unpeeled fruit, the mirror that easily broken as it's said. That's why there are reasons i haven't trusted him yet to handle me. Because I'm a peeled fruit.
Satu minggu liburan musim dingin sudah berlalu. kemarin, aku pun bertemu lagi dengan jumat pagi. tak terasa waktu begitu cepat berlalu. Sudah hampir 3 minggu lebih sering menghabiskan waktu di dalam rumah. Persiapan ujian dan tugas kuliah yang cukup menguras waktu tidur, membuat me-time di rumah menjadi pilihan terbaik. Kalaupun sudah bosan, pergi ke kedai kopi atau sekedar jogging di taman belakang jadi pilihannya. Ah! bahagia sekali tinggal di ibu kota Turki ini, walaupun tidak secantik istanbul, hidup di Ankara buat hidupku jauh lebih sehat. udara bersih, taman dimana-mana dan 15 menit jalan kaki dari rumah menuju kampus membuatku berjalan lebih banyak. Apalagi, dengan banyaknya pilihan transportasi umum di Ankara, sangat mudah bagiku untuk berpergian kemana pun. Terlebih ada harga khusus transportasi sebagai subsidi dari pemerintah untuk pelajar yang membuatku tak perlu khawatir tentang uang saku.
Walau hari-hari masih berbalut nama musim dingin, hangat musim semi sudah sering mencuri waktu diam diam. Birunya langit dan paparan matahari sudah sering terlihat di luar jendela, sungguh hanya akan menyisakan sesal jika aku tetap memutuskan berdiam diri dalam rumah. Hingga akhirnya, aku memutuskan untuk keluar rumah menghirup udara segar sembari bertemu kawan lamaku yang sedang berlibur ke Ankara. Uswah dan Zainab adalah teman-teman seperjuangan 2 tahun lalu ketika kita sedang mempersiapkan kelanjutan study kita di Turki. Berbeda denganku yang mendapatkan kesempatan di Ibu kota Ankara, mereka diterima disalah satu universitas di Trabzon, sebuah kota asri nan cantik di ujung timur laut Turki. Walaupun dibutuhkan waktu tempuh selama 12 jam dengan bis untuk tiba di Ankara, hal ini tak menyurutkan rasa rindu antara kami yang sudah sangat lama sekali tidak bertemu.
dan tadaaaaa! akhirnya kami pun bertemu di pusat kota Ankara. Tepat di belakang kami adalah Kizilay Alisveris Merkezi (Kizilay departement store). Walaupun langit terlihat sangat cerah, kami masih perlu memakai jaket agar tidak kedinginan, terlebih kami berencana akan pulang malam. Memang, walaupun Ankara yang tepat berada di tengah Turki secara geografis, membuatnya
it's always interesting to tell a story. especially the story we've been through and contain many unforgetable memories. Some people just keep it secretly inside their mind or make them forever on the pictures. Me? i do both of them even though taking pictures seems to be the most thing i do. As i'm getting older , i think more about what stories and to whom that i should tell. i know... i've been in the era that i complained a lot or tell my personal stuff either on facebook or twitter. yeaaaah! it's seriously embarassing i know.... but i don't do it anymore. Don't worry ehehe.
Honestly, I use a lot of social media but i try to use them propperly. For instance, i use my facebook acount only for promoting something because i have 3000 friends (not all of them are my truely friends). While instagram becomes my photograph gallery, i mix everything on my blog. i'm trying for not going further telling my personal life on my blog but since i move to Turkey, there is always people asking about my student life and then feel so bad because i've never really answer their question by telling the story on my blog. i'm so sorry guys but What can i do sometimes? too busy with my student life make me rarely write on my blog.
By the way, i can't lie that i'm so happy right now! yeaaaah finally winter break is started. I have a long term winter break this year. Can you imagine??? i have 3 weeks holiday in February yohoooooo! i can watch, read book, drawing, sleeping and traveling as much as i want. i'm ready for february bucket list also. let me share about my February bucket list in my next post.
i've been sleeping over in my friend's house for several days in the first week. i do want travel actually but i still have no enough money because i haven't got my scholarship yet. So, the things that i can do now is finding another entertainment. Yeaaah writing blog after years hehe
too bored to do other thing, i ended up with looking into my photo album and look at what i've just found! i found my old pictures! hehe
7 months of me
I love dancing!
My first family picture in Jonas Bandung
early SWAG :D
I started wearing veil at the age of 13
My earliest mirror selfie!
High school !
And then graduate
I am so lucky to continue my study in Turkey
Met a lot of new friends around the world
well, this is only asean students lol
Met a great person Who inspires me a lot
Having a new sister
People told you that the most comfortable place is your home. then, what are you gonna do when you miss your home but your home is not the same anymore. There's no roof, either door or window anymore. One part has been missing that make your house incomplete, make you feel cold by the wind or rain coming inside. The worst, there is no way to make your home better. No, i don't mean there's no way instead you just couldn't find where is that way.
Well, i know you must be sad because of that, moreover when you see another pretty home with the beauty garden in front of their home. I know also you wanna have a visit and take a look. Thought that you'll be happy after the visit, unfortunately you just came up with the jealousy feelings and question why don't i have a pretty home like them too? However, there's nothing you can do with it. You will just feel like there's no way to come home, come to your old home.
Well, here i have something to tell...
No matter how bad your home is right now. Your home is still your home. Just think that there are people who even have no home. So, your condition is still better because you still have it. Just remember that you still have a chance to build your own home, make it prettier than your old home but to make it, you'll need so much effort. So, just be ready and get prepared yourself.
I keep questioning why do i face so many problems right in the past few weeks before Final Exam. Yeah, FINAL EXAM. I can't tell you about the problems but they really take my time and my feelings also. I've planned to be prepared for my 1st semester in university since in the last summer. It was okay in the first 7 weeks of semester that i even get my midterm exams very well. I don't know why, but since january everything seems so messy. there's some complicated problem that's quite hard to solve.
My friend once told me that i can't keep the problem by myself in order to find the solution sooner or even easier. However, i always keep doing that for a reason. I know people have their own problem so i wont add more. It's better to keep it by my self even i'll be lonely stress rather than put people to be stress also. I'll just ask for help when i know that i can't. I don't know sometimes i feel stupid of doing this but what can i do sometimes? I don't wanna add any pain for people and i don't wanna people feel pity for me. Am i wrong?
I have heard people talking about 'be yourself' recently. Some girls said that she doesn't want to be slim or consider of losing weight is not important for her because she already has chubby posture since she was kid and she thinks that if she changes, it means she doesn't be herself anymore. Moreover, there is a saying also from another girl that she limits herself not to become a friendly girl because she considers herself as a less care person in ever since. Well, people have the rights to choose the way they life. However, i have another perception about 'be yourself' in this term.
For me, understanding of 'Be yourself' should be more open-minded than that. Be yourself means a motivational word that lead me to follow what my trully heart says in order to make me become a better person and the best version of myself. As a person who is given a chance to choose in life, i am allowed to choose a right thing to improve my capacity. For instance, when i get inspired after knowing a smart or cool person that i want to be. The desire to be like them doesn't mean we are not being ourself because the change we want to make is came from our willingness. Since it comes from our own willingness and without force, changing ourself to be a better person show enough that be yourself means be a best version of yourself. Well, this is my thought about 'Be yourself'.
Feels like, working in group is so stressing nowadays. It's just destroying the whole plan when you have some member group that don't work in harmony. I expect each of us as the group member to be more initiative, came up with the idea and get done everything as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as far it has been going on, it was okay in the first week but being lame in past few weeks. Somebody just being confuse about what should do while others just have no time but fortunately can get done the task given. Well, the good news is we are all still survive until the last day for the presentation.
Wita Koto is a 21 yo Indonesian, Turkey based Textile and Fashion Design Student.
All content is copyright and owned by KIZLARISM unless otherwise stated. You may not take images or content from this site without written permission.